the new averagebro blog

[You folks already know I don't get out much, let alone to the movies. Thankfully, fellow bloggers like my cyber-homegirl Thembi actually do see movies in the same year they're released. She caught the somewhat controversial Tropic Thunder last week. I'm livin' vicariously. Show some love you-know-where.]

Any movie featuring MC Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This” before the basic plot has even been outlined is destined to be a problem, but mostly in a good way. Tropic Thunder was just that. Continuing the lowbrow and nonsensical brand of comedy that Ben Stiller has become well-known for, Tropic Thunder is a send-up of the Hollywood movie machine that strokes moviegoers’ pre-existing perception that everyone involved in the industry is ultimately ridiculous. The tasteless early trailers for Tropic Thunder caused a stir among black folks and disability groups thanks to the over-the-top “blackface” of Robert Downey Jr. and the repeated use of the word “retard” (which, FYI, is also now known as “the r-word”). I wish that troubling our sensibilities was the worst of Tropic Thunder; while it was laugh out loud funny at some spots, in the end it was just “ok.”

Tropic Thunder is best thought of as a movie within a movie. After a series of fake movie trailers introducing each of the characters, we’re brought to the set of the true-story action flick “Tropic Thunder,” billed as “the biggest war movie ever,” which is already extremely over-budget thanks to a group of vain, limelight-seeking actors and crew. I’m not a fan of real war movies (or war itself, for that matter), so from the start the jokes spoofing that genre may fall a little flat. As the plot progresses, however, the familiar ground of the Hollywood machinery taking itself too seriously occupies center stage. The real action begins when the actors end up in the jungles of Southeast Asia fighting off a real drug gang led by a little pre-teen scoop of lychee ice cream simply called “Tran”. By this point, the disabled, blacks, and Asians could easily be offended, but everyone else also gets theirs throughout the course of the film. There’s mockery and then there’s satire; the humor in Tropic Thunder, when taken properly in context, is clearly satire.

Ben Stiller’s obliviously retarded facial expressions and endearing disheveled Jewishness are so cute and funny to me that I’ve seen almost every other movie he’s made. He’s like a Buttered Popcorn Jellybean – so wrong that he’s right. In the ridiculousness department, Tropic Thunder picks up where Zoolander and Dodgeball left off, a feat that seems mainly thanks to Stiller’s cheekiness as fallen-from-grace action star Tugg Speedman. Robert Downey, Jr. gives an unexpectedly sophisticated performance as Australian character actor Kirk Lazarus, who himself spent the bulk of the movie immersed in the black character Sergeant Lincoln Osiris, saying “I don’t drop character ’til I’ve done the DVD commentary.” Once I realized that his “blackface,” was part of the plot and that role couldn’t have gone to a black actor, I thought that the portrayal was brilliant. Within thirty minutes I was irritated by Downey’s speech patterns, which were intentionally over-the-top depictions of rough Negrospeak. Within an hour, I was driven crazy by his protruding prosthetic lower lip, which reminded me of a butterflied breakfast sausage that had been burnt on the edges. I guess that’s just me being black and sensitive, but it was definitely a unfortunate buzzkill that threatened to make me start playing with my BlackBerry instead of following the action.

Jack Black is usually good for some laughs, but his depiction of drug-addicted fart-humorist Jack Portnoy was so lowbrow that it lacked awareness. Granted, there is nothing actually funny about coming down off of that her’on, but to engage in that kind of pre-rehab coonery with recovering addicts Robert Downey, Jr. and Nick Nolte on set? This sort of recurring self-awareness miss made the “biting the hand that feeds it” aspect of the satirization of Hollywood less than seamless. On the flipside, I was impressed and entertained by the fresh faces of Jay Baruchel and Brandon T. Jackson, the latter of which played “Alpa Chino,” a less-than-representin‘ rapper with his own energy drink, “Booty Sweat”. I’ve noticed that black actors rarely get that much of a career boost from appearing in this type of movie, but I’m hoping that Jackson can parlay the success of Tropic Thunder into more roles in the future. Otherwise, he’ll spend the rest of his career being “that black guy in Tropic Thunder“, because Lord knows he was the only one. A barely-recognizable Tom Cruise and redneck hottie Matthew McConaughey were added treats, and other cameos included Toby Maguire, Jon Voight, and Jason Bateman.

At times labored and immature but certainly welcomingly lowbrow, overall Tropic Thunder is a great way to pass the time and get some laughs, but I certainly won’t be picking up any zinger catch-phrases from this movie to repeat amongst my friendship group.

Final Verdict: The ticket was $9.00 and what Thembi would do (if she could) is ask for $3.50 back (3 of 5 stars). Sixty-percent is a great score considering about 80% of the laughs are in the first ten minutes and in the trailer, which you can check out below.

Question: Did you see Tropic Thunder? Was it worth the $40? What did you think of Downey Jr.’s blackface role?

Tropic Thunder Official Website

What Would Thembi Do? [BlogSpot]

[Editor's Note: This post is completely sports related, and it's prolly borderline blasphemous to some. Consider yourself forewarned.]

I know I’m about to open a huge can of worms, but it just occurred to me this morning that what this year’s Redeem Team is accomplishing is far more impressive than the 1992 Dream Team.

Pick yourselves off the floor and let me explain why.

Back in 1992, we sent the absolute best 11 players in the league, plus Christian Laettner, who some might argue is the best college player evar. Note, I said best college player.

Just peep this roster.

Charles Barkley of the Philadelphia 76ers
Larry Bird of the Boston Celtics
Clyde Drexler of the Portland Trail Blazers
Patrick Ewing of the New York Knicks
Earvin “Magic” Johnson of the Los Angeles Lakers
Michael Jordan of the Chicago Bulls
Christian Laettner of Duke University
Karl Malone of the Utah Jazz
Chris Mullin of the Golden State Warriors
Scottie Pippen of the Chicago Bulls
David Robinson of the San Antonio Spurs
John Stockton of the Utah Jazz

With the exception of Laettner (who barely played), every member of this team is either in, or will soon be in, the NBA Hall of Fame. Jordan is considered the best player evar. Johnson is the gold standard for PG’s. Stockton is the silver standard. Malone revolutionized the power forward position. Barkley is the best player under 6-4 to ever lace up. Pippen became the prototype for small forwards. Bird is Bird. Mullin is one of the best shooters to ever lace up. Drexler did his thing. Ewing and The Admiral are among the 50 best players ever. Laettner did one heckuva job fetching donuts.

These players were the best in the world at the time, let alone the best in the league. Only Isaiah Thomas (politricks) and Hakeem Olajuwon (not yet a US citizen) were the only truly elite NBA players excluded from this team. It was the creme de la creme.

The Dream Team rolled over foes by an average of 43.8 points a game, and never even called a timeout.

This year’s Redeem Team is still a couple of games shy of the gold, but given their redemptive drubbing of Australia (whom they only beat by 11 just a week ago) on Wednesday, it’s hard to see them losing to anybody. They are winning by an average of 32ppg as I write this.

It’s roster is impressive, but probably not as impressive as the Original Dream Team.

Carlos Boozer of the Utah Jazz
Jason Kidd of the Dallas Mavericks
Lebron James of the Cleveland Cavaliers
Deron Williams of the Utah Jazz
Michael Redd of the Milwaukee Bucks
Dwyane Wade of the Miami Heat
Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers
Dwight Howard of the Orlando Magic
Chris Bosh of the Toronto Raptors
Chris Paul of the New Orleans Hornets
Tayshaun Prince of the Detroit Pistons
Carmelo Anthony of the Denver Nuggets

It’s hard to tell these sorts of things so early, but player for player, this is probably not as star studded a team as the 92′ squad. Prince isn’t even an all star. Redd will not be Hall of Famer, and Bosh may not either. Bryant, Wade, Paul, and James are MVP caliber players, but you can’t really say that yet for any of the other players. Anthony is one DUI away from being traded. Kidd is toast. Howard is showing his limitations. Williams and Boozer are good, but nobody is readying a place in Springfield for either yet. And some great NBA players like Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, Elton Brand, Joe Johnson, Allen Iverson, Tyson Chandler, Amare Stoudemire, Tracy McGrady, Marcus Camby, etc. are back home. We could have sent a better team.

So, why in the ham sammich am I suggesting this team might be better than the 92′ squad? Simple: The level of competition.

Back in 92′, few of the foreign teams had legit NBA players. Germany had Detlef Schrempf, who was a 6th man for the Sonics. Lithuania has then-current NBA player Šarūnas Marčiulionis and later NBA player Arvydas Sabonis. Croatia had five current or future NBA players in Dražen Petrović, Toni Kukoč, Dino Radja, Stojko Vranković, and Žan Tabak. Petrović died before he made a huge NBA impact. Toni Kukoč went on to a respectable NBA career. The other guys did zilch.

This year, seemingly every opponent has 2-3 solid NBA players. China has the NBA’s best big man in Yao Ming, budding star Yi Jianlian, Lakers rookie Sun Yue, and NBA yet Wang Zhizhi. Germany has Clippers star Chris Kaman and recent NBA MVP Dirk Nowitzki. Greece has recent NBA players Vasileios Spanoulis, Antonis Fotsis, Andreas Glyniadakis, and Clippers draftee Sofoklis Schortsanitis. Spain has Lakers all-star big man Pau Gasol, Blazers rookie Rudy Fernandez, recent NBA players Raul Lopez, Juan Carlos Navarro, and Jorge Garbajosa, Raptors starting PG Jose Calderon, Grizzlies rookie Marc Gasol, and teen sensation (and likely #1 pick in next year’s draft, Ricky Rubio). Australia has Bucks center and recent #1 overall pick Andrew Bogut. Argentina, Lithuania, Croatia, and Russia have more NBA players than I’ve got time and space to list here.

But each and every one of these teams has been completely obliterated by the Redeem Team. Every single one.

I’m not saying the original Dream Team wouldn’t have rolled over these teams with ease, they probably would have won by even more, but there’s no way of knowing. And let’s not forget, in addition to playing vastly inferior opponents, the Dream Team had the whole fear/star factor at play. It was common for opposing teams to be in total awe of Team USA and ask for photos, autographs, and jerseys after and before games. No such thing is happening for the Redeem Team, since they already play most of their opponents during the regular season. Their foes are getting thrashed, but they ain’t scared.

I suspect many of you will tell me I’m smoking for going out on a limb and saying this, but I do actually believe this year’s team’s accomplishment is more impressive than the Dream Team. That doesn’t necessarily mean this year’s Redeem Team is necessarily a better team that the 92′ squad, but when you consider all the factors, and the net result, you’d be hard convincing me that what these guys are doing isn’t as awe inspiring, if not greater.

Question: Assuming you’ve watched both teams in action, am I too far out of bounds in suggesting that this year’s Redeem Team is just as impressive, if not more so than the Original Dream Team? Which squad would win a Best of Seven series in a theoretical head to head match up? Would you like some of what I’ve been smoking?

USA Basketball Wiki [Wikipedia]

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I spend a lotta time on computers. I mean, lots. With the day job, and my photography pursuits, my laptop should probably be considered a 6th appendage by now (do the math).

So, I’m always looking for free stuff, because hey, why by it when you can steal download, err, acquire it otherwise for merely the cost of a web connection, which in some parts of this fine country is also gratis.

Newest find: CinemaNow.com. There’s some free movies that you can stream over the web, mostly lots of B-Grade crap, but quite a few of those BET Starz black straight to bootleg flicks. Again, no haute couture, but hey, if you’re stuck in the airport, what are you gonna do?

Peep it.