I never went to daycare. Come to think of it, I don’t even believe daycare centers even existed in my section of NC growing up. So my Pops would usually drop me off on his way to work and I spent my preschool days at with my Grandma. This was pretty cool, because since it was just the two of us during the day, I could basically commandeer the TV while she slept off the remnants of her 3rd shift. I’d inhale Cheerios and watch Sesame Street, Julia, and The Munsters reruns. But around 1pm, I’d always have to give up “the box”[1] cause it was time for Grandma to watch her “stories”. Since this was well before the days of DVD players and tv’s in every room, I would usually make my way to a nap.
So yeah, I was sorta raised on TeeVee. I guess that explains a lot.
Anyways, I was reminded of all this today as I sat, post-workout, in the locker room. The Gold’s Gym video network wasn’t playing on the overhead TV as it usually was. Instead, I saw a roundfaced brown woman and a crusty, semi-balding dude. I immediately recognized this as a soap opera, and since I never really liked them back then (though I did occasionally watch with Grandma to pass the time before Sanford & Son and Good Times came on), my Negro Reflex made me turn my head. But lo and behold, I heard a very familiar voice, and looked closer.
Holy Crap! That’s Angie and Jesse!
I don’t want anybody, to get the wrong idea about me.[2] I did not willingly watch All My Chill’rens. Period. I’m not a soap opera type of dude, despite how much I enjoy the real life human train wreck spectacle that is Gilbert Arenas. Except for Angie and Jesse, and maybe Erica Kaine, I don’t recall much about AMC at all.
Still, there’s something (I don’t know what, but surely something) to be said for Black folks who can somehow manage to pull off the same gig for nearly 30+ years. I mean, Jesse looked like a young Huggy Bear waaay back in the mid 80′s. Dude still looks like Huggy Bear, and is still workin’. That’s sayin’ somethin’. Exactly what it’s sayin’, I do not know, but it’s sayin’ somethin’.
Question: Do you remember Angie and Jesse? Did you watch All My Chill’rens? Any soaps? Were you too partially raised by one of those tan Scientific Atlanta boxes or did you go to an actual daycare?
[1] I hope ya’ll remember those old school cable boxes with the cord and those pushbuttons. Ok, maybe it was just me.
[2] Name that tune.
I never went to daycare. Come to think of it, I don’t even believe daycare centers even existed in my section of NC growing up. So my Pops would usually drop me off on his way to work and I spent my preschool days at with my Grandma. This was pretty cool, because since it was just the two of us during the day, I could basically commandeer the TV while she slept off the remnants of her 3rd shift. I’d inhale Cheerios and watch Sesame Street, Julia, and The Munsters reruns. But around 1pm, I’d always have to give up “the box”[1] cause it was time for Grandma to watch her “stories”. Since this was well before the days of DVD players and tv’s in every room, I would usually make my way to a nap.
So yeah, I was sorta raised on TeeVee. I guess that explains a lot.
Anyways, I was reminded of all this today as I sat, post-workout, in the locker room. The Gold’s Gym video network wasn’t playing on the overhead TV as it usually was. Instead, I saw a roundfaced brown woman and a crusty, semi-balding dude. I immediately recognized this as a soap opera, and since I never really liked them back then (though I did occasionally watch with Grandma to pass the time before Sanford & Son and Good Times came on), my Negro Reflex made me turn my head. But lo and behold, I heard a very familiar voice, and looked closer.
Holy Crap! That’s Angie and Jesse!
I don’t want anybody, to get the wrong idea about me.[2] I did not willingly watch All My Chill’rens. Period. I’m not a soap opera type of dude, despite how much I enjoy the real life human train wreck spectacle that is Gilbert Arenas. Except for Angie and Jesse, and maybe Erica Kaine, I don’t recall much about AMC at all.
Still, there’s something (I don’t know what, but surely something) to be said for Black folks who can somehow manage to pull off the same gig for nearly 30+ years. I mean, Jesse looked like a young Huggy Bear waaay back in the mid 80′s. Dude still looks like Huggy Bear, and is still workin’. That’s sayin’ somethin’. Exactly what it’s sayin’, I do not know, but it’s sayin’ somethin’.
Question: Do you remember Angie and Jesse? Did you watch All My Chill’rens? Any soaps? Were you too partially raised by one of those tan Scientific Atlanta boxes or did you go to an actual daycare?
[1] I hope ya’ll remember those old school cable boxes with the cord and those pushbuttons. Ok, maybe it was just me.
[2] Name that tune.
Filed under: We Owned The 80s
Any black person alive during The Greatest Decade Evar is prolly quite familiar with the epic martial arts action dramedy The Last Dragon. But for the 4-5 members of AverageNation™ with Similac still on their breaths, I figure I owe some context to this post.
Released in 1985, The Last Dragon was produced by Motown magnate Berry Gordy and was roundly trashed by critics. However, the movie really caught fire when it was released on Betamax and VHS (the precursor to DVDs for you kiddies) and it went on to gross over $30M and become an urban cult classic.
The premise of the film is pretty silly. A young kung fu master from Harlem (Taimak, a black belt who couldn’t even act, and it showed) named “Bruce” Leroy Green goes on a quest to achieve the ultimate martial arts accomplishment, “The Glow”. In the meantime, he finds himself tangled up with a TV star/singer (Prince jumpoff, Vanity), a shiesty arcade mogul, and most importantly, Sho’Nuff: The Shogun of Harlem (played with much panache by Julius Carry III who ironically just died of pancreatic cancer a few days ago), who is hellbent on proving who’s the True Kung Fu Master.
If this all sounds incredibly corny, that’s because it was. The movie made little logical sense, the acting was universally awful, the soundtrack was cheesy, and it’s grand finale is a prime example of “turn off your brain” style reality-stretching.
So why, might you ask, did I include this movie as an entry in We Owned The 80′s? Because it still ended up being strangely entertaining, and hearkens back to a distant era when an entire Black family could gather around the TeeVee for a movie without parents cringing and covering their kids eyes.
The movie featured no sexual innuendo (although Vanity wasn’t hard on the eyes), few curse words, and only comically exaggerated episodes of violence. There was no rap soundtrack, no rap cameos, and probably a million and one legitimate quotables.
“Kiss my Converse!”
“I got somethin’ real for yo’ a$$ in these hands!”
“Who’s The Master? …. I Am!”
“Who played this garbage? … Shut Up *****!”
“Deliver your feetsa to Daddy’s Green’s Pizza!”
“Don’t know. Not sure I’d tell you if I did!”
Here’s a few classic clips.
Sho’Nuff holds court.
Sho’Nuff tears up Daddy Green’s Pizza.
Laura and Leroy’s The Glow Video
The Final Showdown: Leroy vs Sho’ Nuff (Spoiler Alert)
Seriously, how sad is it that they don’t make movies like this anymore? Most “urban” movies now are cliched crap with way too much PG-13 language and waaay too much sex/violence, not to mention crappy rapper cameos. I guess Drumline, and Are We There Yet? would qualify as exceptions[1], but this sort of movie is far too uncommon. I hate to get all Andy Griffith on ya’ll, but it kinda saddens me that my son and I won’t be able to enjoy this kind of movie together. And by enjoy, I mean watch new movies in the future with the same spirit and family-friendly content.
Sure, I’ve got The Last Dragon on DVD, along with Better Off Dead, Disorderlies, License To Drive, and Coming To America. But if my kid’s anything like me (and he is), chances are he won’t have the slightest interest or attention span to sit down and watch this someday, just like my Dad trying to get me to watch Putney Swope and Kooley High usually resulted in me begging to go to my room. I of course can appreciate my Dad’s movies (Car Wash and Which Way Is Up? are also in my collection) today, but I’m sure he woulda preferred me being interested back then. So I guess this is some weird generational thing.
Doesn’t mean I won’t try to sneak The Last Dragon in my son’s DVD player someday though.
Question: Is The Last Dragon one of the last Black family friendly movies of all time or am I overreacting? Any other candidates? What’s your favorite scene? Whoooo’s The Master?
The Last Dragon Wiki [Wikipedia]
Julius Carry III, Sho’Nuff Dies [Post Chronicle]
[1] If you’re aware of more exceptions (and we’re not talkin’ cartoons), tell me you-know-where. I’m working on my AverageSon Rainy Day DVD collection, and I’ll take all suggestions.
Filed under: We Owned The 80s
Any black person alive during The Greatest Decade Evar is prolly quite familiar with the epic martial arts action dramedy The Last Dragon. But for the 4-5 members of AverageNation™ with Similac still on their breaths, I figure I owe some context to this post.
Released in 1985, The Last Dragon was produced by Motown magnate Berry Gordy and was roundly trashed by critics. However, the movie really caught fire when it was released on Betamax and VHS (the precursor to DVDs for you kiddies) and it went on to gross over $30M and become an urban cult classic.
The premise of the film is pretty silly. A young kung fu master from Harlem (Taimak, a black belt who couldn’t even act, and it showed) named “Bruce” Leroy Green goes on a quest to achieve the ultimate martial arts accomplishment, “The Glow”. In the meantime, he finds himself tangled up with a TV star/singer (Prince jumpoff, Vanity), a shiesty arcade mogul, and most importantly, Sho’Nuff: The Shogun of Harlem (played with much panache by Julius Carry III who ironically just died of pancreatic cancer a few days ago), who is hellbent on proving who’s the True Kung Fu Master.
If this all sounds incredibly corny, that’s because it was. The movie made little logical sense, the acting was universally awful, the soundtrack was cheesy, and it’s grand finale is a prime example of “turn off your brain” style reality-stretching.
So why, might you ask, did I include this movie as an entry in We Owned The 80′s? Because it still ended up being strangely entertaining, and hearkens back to a distant era when an entire Black family could gather around the TeeVee for a movie without parents cringing and covering their kids eyes.
The movie featured no sexual innuendo (although Vanity wasn’t hard on the eyes), few curse words, and only comically exaggerated episodes of violence. There was no rap soundtrack, no rap cameos, and probably a million and one legitimate quotables.
“Kiss my Converse!”
“I got somethin’ real for yo’ a$$ in these hands!”
“Who’s The Master? …. I Am!”
“Who played this garbage? … Shut Up *****!”
“Deliver your feetsa to Daddy’s Green’s Pizza!”
“Don’t know. Not sure I’d tell you if I did!”
Here’s a few classic clips.
Sho’Nuff holds court.
Sho’Nuff tears up Daddy Green’s Pizza.
Laura and Leroy’s The Glow Video
The Final Showdown: Leroy vs Sho’ Nuff (Spoiler Alert)
Seriously, how sad is it that they don’t make movies like this anymore? Most “urban” movies now are cliched crap with way too much PG-13 language and waaay too much sex/violence, not to mention crappy rapper cameos. I guess Drumline, and Are We There Yet? would qualify as exceptions[1], but this sort of movie is far too uncommon. I hate to get all Andy Griffith on ya’ll, but it kinda saddens me that my son and I won’t be able to enjoy this kind of movie together. And by enjoy, I mean watch new movies in the future with the same spirit and family-friendly content.
Sure, I’ve got The Last Dragon on DVD, along with Better Off Dead, Disorderlies, License To Drive, and Coming To America. But if my kid’s anything like me (and he is), chances are he won’t have the slightest interest or attention span to sit down and watch this someday, just like my Dad trying to get me to watch Putney Swope and Kooley High usually resulted in me begging to go to my room. I of course can appreciate my Dad’s movies (Car Wash and Which Way Is Up? are also in my collection) today, but I’m sure he woulda preferred me being interested back then. So I guess this is some weird generational thing.
Doesn’t mean I won’t try to sneak The Last Dragon in my son’s DVD player someday though.
Question: Is The Last Dragon one of the last Black family friendly movies of all time or am I overreacting? Any other candidates? What’s your favorite scene? Whoooo’s The Master?
The Last Dragon Wiki [Wikipedia]
Julius Carry III, Sho’Nuff Dies [Post Chronicle]
[1] If you’re aware of more exceptions (and we’re not talkin’ cartoons), tell me you-know-where. I’m working on my AverageSon Rainy Day DVD collection, and I’ll take all suggestions.
Filed under: We Owned The 80s
Eddie Murphy Owned The 80′s.
After a few years of plying his trade as a standup comedian, Murphy joined the cast of an already slumping Saturday Night Live in 1980. I little-known fact is that Murphy actually stole that season’s last featured player spot from none other than Robert Townsend.
Like a rookie Kobe Bryant, the show had no concept of Murphy’s greatness and severely underutilized him. So bad was his first season that NBC fired the entire cast and the show’s executive producer, only sparing Murphy and castmate Joe Piscopo, primarily because as featured (not repertory) players, they were cheap.
The next season, with a new, largely unknown cast and new producers, Murphy’s status was elevated immediately. Thanks to those litigious bastards at NBC, I don’t have many YouTube clips from the SNL era to embed here.
A bootleg version of Mr Robinson’s Neighborhood if the best I could do. Sorry. If you know where to find more, let me know.
If you’ve been in a cave, or were just born after 1985, you can and should add Saturday Night Live: The Best of Eddie Murphy to your Netflix queue. It’s comedic gold.
Anyways, despite the clear emergence of Murphy as the show’s sole star attraction, NBC higher ups and the show’s producer, Lorne Michaels, never liked the direction in which Murphy was taking SNL. His four seasons on the show were arguably the best in it’s storied history, but so acrimonious was Murphy’s relationship with Michaels, that once Murphy left the show for good in 1984, he was effectively written out of the annals of SNL history.
Seriously, except for that DVD series (which Murphy made no money from), he is largely invisible from any “Best Of” or “All Time” SNL retrospectives. For perhaps the last time evar, the words “Live From New York, It’s Saturday Night!!!” actually meant something.
Murphy used SNL as a springboard to his movie career, beginning a strong series of comedies and recorded standup feature films.
Who can forget his butchering of “Roxanne” in the original 48 Hours?
Or his stereotypical streetwise hustler in the outrageous Trading Places?
Or the snarky Beverly Hills Cop?
Or the awful, supposed to be a Mel Gibson serious flick, The Golden Child?
And of course, the brilliant Coming To America?
Of equal impact were Murphy’s full length standup movies, in the tradition of his idol, Richard Pryor. Who could forget 1983′s Delirious?
And 1987′s Raw?
Go ahead and call CPS on my parents, but I saw each and every one of the aforementioned films in the theater, as soon as they came out. And I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only one. But they were always there, sitting a few rows behind me and my brothers, and used the ride home as a teachable moment. And I didn’t turn out so bad, so there.
If only I could say the same for Murphy.
He Owned The 80′s, which makes the subsequent decades so sad by comparison.
He did actually make some good movies after The Greatest Decade Evar. There was Boomerang, Harlem Nights, and Life. But his career really hit the skids with a string of questionable vehicles like A Vampire In Brooklyn, Metro, The Distinguished Gentleman, and Holy Man. Arrghhh.
Holy Man!!!
You could also say things bottomed out for him after that 1997 arrest for picking up a tranny prostitute. I’d prolly agree with you, because this seemed to signal a change in tone to more family friendly movies, which I could honestly do without.
Sure, the Nutty Professor was ok. But did anyone actually watch Daddy Daycare and Dr. Doolittle without wincing? And don’t even get me started on that affront to black womanhood, Norbit. Sheez.
The gritty, streetsmart, jive talkin’ Eddie from the SNL and Raw days is long gone, which makes a movie like his latest surefire bust Meet Dave so sad by comparison.
Seriously, are you gonna drop $40 to see that? I didn’t think so. I won’t even waste space in my Netflix queue.
Perhaps Murphy’s gotten the hint, because I recently saw he’s considering retiring from movies altogether and going back to standup comedy. And like another of my 80′s Idols, Michael Jackson, I’ll be right there in the audience if this actually comes to fruition.
Because when you take it back to the 80′s, all is forgiven.
Well, okay, everything but Norbit.
Question: Would you pay good money to see Eddie Murphy do standup again? What’s your favorite Eddie movie? What’s the worst?
Eddie Murphy Retiring From Film; Back To Standup? [G4]
Filed under: We Owned The 80s
Eddie Murphy Owned The 80′s.
After a few years of plying his trade as a standup comedian, Murphy joined the cast of an already slumping Saturday Night Live in 1980. I little-known fact is that Murphy actually stole that season’s last featured player spot from none other than Robert Townsend.
Like a rookie Kobe Bryant, the show had no concept of Murphy’s greatness and severely underutilized him. So bad was his first season that NBC fired the entire cast and the show’s executive producer, only sparing Murphy and castmate Joe Piscopo, primarily because as featured (not repertory) players, they were cheap.
The next season, with a new, largely unknown cast and new producers, Murphy’s status was elevated immediately. Thanks to those litigious bastards at NBC, I don’t have many YouTube clips from the SNL era to embed here.
A bootleg version of Mr Robinson’s Neighborhood if the best I could do. Sorry. If you know where to find more, let me know.
If you’ve been in a cave, or were just born after 1985, you can and should add Saturday Night Live: The Best of Eddie Murphy to your Netflix queue. It’s comedic gold.
Anyways, despite the clear emergence of Murphy as the show’s sole star attraction, NBC higher ups and the show’s producer, Lorne Michaels, never liked the direction in which Murphy was taking SNL. His four seasons on the show were arguably the best in it’s storied history, but so acrimonious was Murphy’s relationship with Michaels, that once Murphy left the show for good in 1984, he was effectively written out of the annals of SNL history.
Seriously, except for that DVD series (which Murphy made no money from), he is largely invisible from any “Best Of” or “All Time” SNL retrospectives. For perhaps the last time evar, the words “Live From New York, It’s Saturday Night!!!” actually meant something.
Murphy used SNL as a springboard to his movie career, beginning a strong series of comedies and recorded standup feature films.
Who can forget his butchering of “Roxanne” in the original 48 Hours?
Or his stereotypical streetwise hustler in the outrageous Trading Places?
Or the snarky Beverly Hills Cop?
Or the awful, supposed to be a Mel Gibson serious flick, The Golden Child?
And of course, the brilliant Coming To America?
Of equal impact were Murphy’s full length standup movies, in the tradition of his idol, Richard Pryor. Who could forget 1983′s Delirious?
And 1987′s Raw?
Go ahead and call CPS on my parents, but I saw each and every one of the aforementioned films in the theater, as soon as they came out. And I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only one. But they were always there, sitting a few rows behind me and my brothers, and used the ride home as a teachable moment. And I didn’t turn out so bad, so there.
If only I could say the same for Murphy.
He Owned The 80′s, which makes the subsequent decades so sad by comparison.
He did actually make some good movies after The Greatest Decade Evar. There was Boomerang, Harlem Nights, and Life. But his career really hit the skids with a string of questionable vehicles like A Vampire In Brooklyn, Metro, The Distinguished Gentleman, and Holy Man. Arrghhh.
Holy Man!!!
You could also say things bottomed out for him after that 1997 arrest for picking up a tranny prostitute. I’d prolly agree with you, because this seemed to signal a change in tone to more family friendly movies, which I could honestly do without.
Sure, the Nutty Professor was ok. But did anyone actually watch Daddy Daycare and Dr. Doolittle without wincing? And don’t even get me started on that affront to black womanhood, Norbit. Sheez.
The gritty, streetsmart, jive talkin’ Eddie from the SNL and Raw days is long gone, which makes a movie like his latest surefire bust Meet Dave so sad by comparison.
Seriously, are you gonna drop $40 to see that? I didn’t think so. I won’t even waste space in my Netflix queue.
Perhaps Murphy’s gotten the hint, because I recently saw he’s considering retiring from movies altogether and going back to standup comedy. And like another of my 80′s Idols, Michael Jackson, I’ll be right there in the audience if this actually comes to fruition.
Because when you take it back to the 80′s, all is forgiven.
Well, okay, everything but Norbit.
Question: Would you pay good money to see Eddie Murphy do standup again? What’s your favorite Eddie movie? What’s the worst?
Eddie Murphy Retiring From Film; Back To Standup? [G4]
Today, Robert Barisford Brown is probably better known to most as a walking punchline and the dude who ruined Whitney Houston’s career. That’s revisionist herstory of course. Reality is, Bobby Brown was one of the most accomplished R&B artists of the late 80′s, and perhaps one of the greatest entertainers of his generation.
The world was introduced to a young B-Brown in the mid-80′s as a member of the Maurice Star-assembled Boston boy band, New Edition. Peep “Candy Girl”.
And “Cool It Now”.
It was blatantly obvious early on that Bobby was the Michael of this Jackson Five ripoff, although the group’s handlers insisted on putting the tender and sensitive Ralph Tresvant front and center. Ralph was (according to my AverageFemaleCousin) “cuter” and more “Boy Next Door” while the chronically pelvic-thrusting preteen Bobby was the “Boy You’re Glad Doesn’t Live Next Door“. But Bobby wasn’t going to play Kobe to anyone’s Shaq. The man was a franchise player and franchise players have their own teams, damnit!
So after a few years of being jerked on album royalties and denied the spotlight, he finally broke camp and became a solo artist, dropping the lightly received King of Stage. Other than the puppy love classic “Girlfriend”, this album was mostly forgettable.
After fighting for his freedom from the restrictive image of New Edition, King of Stage was largely a dud because it seemed like Bobby was still holding something back. He learned from this minor setback, retooled his image (read: more pelvic thrusts, unpredictable wailing, and tacky leather suits), and hooked up with of-the-moment producers like New Jack Swing pioneer Teddy Riley and simp-slow-jammer extraordinaire Babyface for his second album, the awesome Don’t Be Cruel.
“Don’t Be Cruel” was the lead single, and the point where Bobby’s solo career really took off.
“Ooohh girl.. long as I’ve been givin’ my love to yooooou… you should be givin’ me your love toooooo.”
“Every Little Step” is probably one of my 25 all-time favorite songs, which says quite a bit. I mean, seriously, dude is talking about sticking with a woman no matter what for a change, not tellin’ her “Ho’ Sit Down”, callin’ her a “Bust It Baby” or some such random nonsense we typically hear nowadays.
I never really dug “My Prerogative” though. I wasn’t too crazy about all the polysyllabic words, the gluttonously overdone Teddy Riley production, and the lazy concert style video. But I suppose enough other people liked it, so what do I know?
A tremendously popular song, it’s been since remade by Britney Spears. Or was it Lindsay Lohan? Hillary Duff? The Hannah Montana chick? I dunno which one for sure, and it doesn’t really matter since it was awful. I hear it everyday in the gym at lunchtime. Props to the Gold’s Gym Music Network for that one. Or not.
Also on the album; the quiet storm classics “Tenderoni” and “Rock Wit’ Cha’”. I’m just too lazy to keep scouring YouTube for embed links, so you’ll have to find them on your own.
So massive was this album that it spawned 5 Billboard Top 10 hits, sold 7 million copies (an impressive feat for an R&B artist in those days), and inspired countless imitators. Usher, Omarion, Mario, Tyrese, and Chris Brown (among others) need to respect the architect.
Don’t Be Cruel‘s runaway success was good to Bobby. He dabbled in acting. He tried some recreational drugs. He made some babies. And he was tabbed to create the theme song to a blockbuster summer movie. Here’s one of my personal favorites, a Don’t Be Cruel throwaway track cleverly remade as the theme to Ghostbusters 2, “On Our Own”.
It’s so obvious this song had nothing whatsoever to do with the movie. They prolly asked Bobby if he needed an extra $50k in pocket change and he said “You think I don’t? Hell yeah!!!“, went to the studio and tossed in that weak “they the Ghostbusters and they in control” rap at the start and end of the song. So lazy is the job that he didn’t even bother writing different verses, he just spit the same thing twice, Mos Def style.
And oddly enough, the net result is still amazing. The man was just brilliant like that. He probably could have burped over a track for 4 minutes and it still woulda been a hit.
Peep all the cameos in this video. Michelle Phieffer. Iman. Donald Trump. Classic.
Sadly, like all things 80′s Brown’s success wouldn’t last. He failed to seize the momentum of Don’t Be Cruel, and oddly waited another four years before putting out his 3rd proper album[1], Bobby, in 1992. He also made the awful decision of getting married to Houston during this time, and his toned down album seemed to reflect this shift in lifestyle.
Bobby spawned relative hits like “Humpin’ Around”, “Good Enough” and “Get Away”, but clearly marital bliss (or lack thereof) had robbed his music of it’s prior edginess. He sold 3 Million copies of this album, but I swear I heard the Fat Lady on that terrible “Somethin’ In Common” duet, and it won’t Whitney. It was the sound of Bobby’s career coming to a halting screech.
I don’t really care to go much deeper into Bobby post-Don’t Be Cruel. I try not to get too deep into superficial matters of celebrity gossip. Whether or not Bobby lead Whitney to the pipe or vice versa is irrelevant. The sad fact is, either way, the career of a budding legend was ethered in utero. And that’s no laughing matter.
So rather than be a buzz killer, let’s end this whole thing with a medley of the man’s greatest hits, performed live.[2]
Question: Why do you think Bobby Brown’s career fizzled out early? Am I writing my own revisionist history by overstating the man’s contributions to black music? Got any suggestions for future editions of We Owned The 80′s?
Previous Editions of We Owned The 80′s
[1] No, I’m not counting that lazy repackage job Dance Ya’ Know It as an actual album.
[2] I couldn’t find an innocent enough way to weave it into this post, but just how sad is that whole “Young Buck crying/begging for this job back” audiotape? Not that I had much respect for 50 Cent, but that was some pretty low sh*t. Seriously, Curtis. Get your life right.
Today, Robert Barisford Brown is probably better known to most as a walking punchline and the dude who ruined Whitney Houston’s career. That’s revisionist herstory of course. Reality is, Bobby Brown was one of the most accomplished R&B artists of the late 80′s, and perhaps one of the greatest entertainers of his generation.
The world was introduced to a young B-Brown in the mid-80′s as a member of the Maurice Star-assembled Boston boy band, New Edition. Peep “Candy Girl”.
And “Cool It Now”.
It was blatantly obvious early on that Bobby was the Michael of this Jackson Five ripoff, although the group’s handlers insisted on putting the tender and sensitive Ralph Tresvant front and center. Ralph was (according to my AverageFemaleCousin) “cuter” and more “Boy Next Door” while the chronically pelvic-thrusting preteen Bobby was the “Boy You’re Glad Doesn’t Live Next Door“. But Bobby wasn’t going to play Kobe to anyone’s Shaq. The man was a franchise player and franchise players have their own teams, damnit!
So after a few years of being jerked on album royalties and denied the spotlight, he finally broke camp and became a solo artist, dropping the lightly received King of Stage. Other than the puppy love classic “Girlfriend”, this album was mostly forgettable.
After fighting for his freedom from the restrictive image of New Edition, King of Stage was largely a dud because it seemed like Bobby was still holding something back. He learned from this minor setback, retooled his image (read: more pelvic thrusts, unpredictable wailing, and tacky leather suits), and hooked up with of-the-moment producers like New Jack Swing pioneer Teddy Riley and simp-slow-jammer extraordinaire Babyface for his second album, the awesome Don’t Be Cruel.
“Don’t Be Cruel” was the lead single, and the point where Bobby’s solo career really took off.
“Ooohh girl.. long as I’ve been givin’ my love to yooooou… you should be givin’ me your love toooooo.”
“Every Little Step” is probably one of my 25 all-time favorite songs, which says quite a bit. I mean, seriously, dude is talking about sticking with a woman no matter what for a change, not tellin’ her “Ho’ Sit Down”, callin’ her a “Bust It Baby” or some such random nonsense we typically hear nowadays.
I never really dug “My Prerogative” though. I wasn’t too crazy about all the polysyllabic words, the gluttonously overdone Teddy Riley production, and the lazy concert style video. But I suppose enough other people liked it, so what do I know?
A tremendously popular song, it’s been since remade by Britney Spears. Or was it Lindsay Lohan? Hillary Duff? The Hannah Montana chick? I dunno which one for sure, and it doesn’t really matter since it was awful. I hear it everyday in the gym at lunchtime. Props to the Gold’s Gym Music Network for that one. Or not.
Also on the album; the quiet storm classics “Tenderoni” and “Rock Wit’ Cha’”. I’m just too lazy to keep scouring YouTube for embed links, so you’ll have to find them on your own.
So massive was this album that it spawned 5 Billboard Top 10 hits, sold 7 million copies (an impressive feat for an R&B artist in those days), and inspired countless imitators. Usher, Omarion, Mario, Tyrese, and Chris Brown (among others) need to respect the architect.
Don’t Be Cruel‘s runaway success was good to Bobby. He dabbled in acting. He tried some recreational drugs. He made some babies. And he was tabbed to create the theme song to a blockbuster summer movie. Here’s one of my personal favorites, a Don’t Be Cruel throwaway track cleverly remade as the theme to Ghostbusters 2, “On Our Own”.
It’s so obvious this song had nothing whatsoever to do with the movie. They prolly asked Bobby if he needed an extra $50k in pocket change and he said “You think I don’t? Hell yeah!!!“, went to the studio and tossed in that weak “they the Ghostbusters and they in control” rap at the start and end of the song. So lazy is the job that he didn’t even bother writing different verses, he just spit the same thing twice, Mos Def style.
And oddly enough, the net result is still amazing. The man was just brilliant like that. He probably could have burped over a track for 4 minutes and it still woulda been a hit.
Peep all the cameos in this video. Michelle Phieffer. Iman. Donald Trump. Classic.
Sadly, like all things 80′s Brown’s success wouldn’t last. He failed to seize the momentum of Don’t Be Cruel, and oddly waited another four years before putting out his 3rd proper album[1], Bobby, in 1992. He also made the awful decision of getting married to Houston during this time, and his toned down album seemed to reflect this shift in lifestyle.
Bobby spawned relative hits like “Humpin’ Around”, “Good Enough” and “Get Away”, but clearly marital bliss (or lack thereof) had robbed his music of it’s prior edginess. He sold 3 Million copies of this album, but I swear I heard the Fat Lady on that terrible “Somethin’ In Common” duet, and it won’t Whitney. It was the sound of Bobby’s career coming to a halting screech.
I don’t really care to go much deeper into Bobby post-Don’t Be Cruel. I try not to get too deep into superficial matters of celebrity gossip. Whether or not Bobby lead Whitney to the pipe or vice versa is irrelevant. The sad fact is, either way, the career of a budding legend was ethered in utero. And that’s no laughing matter.
So rather than be a buzz killer, let’s end this whole thing with a medley of the man’s greatest hits, performed live.[2]
Question: Why do you think Bobby Brown’s career fizzled out early? Am I writing my own revisionist history by overstating the man’s contributions to black music? Got any suggestions for future editions of We Owned The 80′s?
Previous Editions of We Owned The 80′s
[1] No, I’m not counting that lazy repackage job Dance Ya’ Know It as an actual album.
[2] I couldn’t find an innocent enough way to weave it into this post, but just how sad is that whole “Young Buck crying/begging for this job back” audiotape? Not that I had much respect for 50 Cent, but that was some pretty low sh*t. Seriously, Curtis. Get your life right.
Filed under: Crap Music, Don't Drop The Soap, Raise Your Own Damn Kids, We Owned The 80s
If you were alive and/or kickin’ during the 80′s (sorry Ciara) you’ll remember the classic urban debate: Michael or Prince?
Long before he became a walking punchline, Michael Jackson was pop music in The Greatest Decade Evar!!! Hell, you could argue that Michael Jackson was The 80′s. The bulk of his career success (the best selling album evar, 13 Grammies, 13 #1′s, Motown 25, Captain EO) happened during this decade. Ditto for Prince, whose funk-infused Pop/R&B/Soul music dominated the airwaves as well. In the pre-BET days, these guys were the only two artists of color whose videos consistently ran on MTV. I remember waiting through hours and hours of Quiet Riot and Twisted Sister videos, just to watch “Let’s Go Crazy” or “Thriller”[1].
Michael and Prince were the 80′s, but most people tended to like one more than the other, thus the long ranging debate.
Michael fans seemed to love the dances, the relative[2] down-to-Earth demeanor, the family-friendly songs. Prince fans were generally a bit darker and moodier in personality, and of course Prince sang about “doin’ it” a lot, so he was hardly PG-13. I know that sounds prudish in a day when “Bust It Baby” gets played in Color Me Mine on Father’s Day, but hey, times have changed.
I liked Michael more, but I liked girls who liked Prince for obvious reasons.
Two decades later, the career and life arcs of the two couldn’t have changed more dramatically.
Michael is considered a reclusive circus freak to most. There’s the white babies, and the white baby mamas[3], and the pedophilia allegations, and the vitiligo, and the bad interviews, and the financial ruins, and that bizarre “Jews are the Devil” thing, and the ruined family name, and… I keep going on for days.
Conversely, Prince is now somewhat considered the less screwed-up and better socially adjusted of the two. He’s a Jehovah’s witness. He won independence from his record label. He still tours and makes lots of money doing so. He was a pioneer in using the internet to sell music. He was actually married for awhile, presumably to a real life woman. He might could drive a minivan and read AB.com for all I know.
He seems, dare I say… normal, or at least normal when compared to the walking train wreck that is Michael Jackson circa 2008.
While I’m a Michael fan, I’ve never gotten to see him in concert. I remember when the Victory Tour hit the US in the mid 80′s at the height of Thriller’s popularity. I wanted to go, badly, but being a preteen, I couldn’t exactly hit up StubHub and drive myself. Not with the tickets being $125 (yikes!) and whatnot. Plus, cool stuff never came to the Carolinas. Michael and Co. only came as close as Landover, MD. My uncle and aunt did go, and regaled us with tales of the concert for months afterward. And I hated them for months afterward.
We’re cool now of course, but I still wanted to see MJ. It’s just one of those items on my “things I wanna do before I call it a life” bucket list, right up there with playing in an actual NBA game, and learning how to make my own etouffee. Quirky, sure.
Looks like I just might still get my chance.
Michael Jackson may relaunch his career as a Las Vegas act, thanks to the private equity group that recently bought the loan on his Neverland Ranch in California to help the pop star avert foreclosure.The investment firm Colony Capital is discussing with Jackson various repayment options for the $23 million debt, including a possible long-term engagement as the resident performer of a Vegas casino or nightclub, a source familiar with the talks said on Friday.
The source emphasized that no deal was in place and that a gig for Jackson in Las Vegas, a city of second chances for many faded superstars, was merely one idea under consideration as Colony Capital explores loan repayment scenarios with him.
Bringing Jackson to Sin City as a performer would mark the biggest step the 49-year-old performer has taken toward a comeback since a child molestation trial left his career, his reputation and financial status in tatters three years ago.
Only time will tell just how much Michael has left in the tank. Will he still have all the electricity of the “I’m Bad”-era MJ, or will his show be lazy and sad like some lousy Tropicana lounge act? We shall see.
I’m sure you guys will roundly criticize me for publicly stating that I’d fly halfway across the country and pay good money to see a desperate man sing for food, when I just bashed Robert Sylvester Kelly for essentially getting away with the same thing Jackson was once accused of recently. And you’d be right.
I’m just hypocritical like that.
I guess I’ll have to deal with those issues when the tickets go on sale. Cause I will be headed to Vegas.
Question: Michael or Prince? And assuming you’re a Michael fan, would you pay to see him in concert in Vegas? Do you see supporting Michael’s get-outta-debt concert series as financially enabling a pedophile or is there no such concern? If you’re a Prince fan, have you seen him in concert?
Michael Jackson in talks on possible Las Vegas act [Reuters]
[1] I’ll admit, I was prolly 21-22 years old before I could watch this whole video without being scared sh*tless. I can watch it now and just laugh, but Thriller had a young AB shook.
[2] Note the word “relative”. Yeah, Mike was weird, but admit it. Prince was “out there” by comparison.
[3] Come on, Mike. You know them ain’t your kids. Ain’t that much vitiligo in the world.
Filed under: Crap Music, Don't Drop The Soap, Raise Your Own Damn Kids, We Owned The 80s
If you were alive and/or kickin’ during the 80′s (sorry Ciara) you’ll remember the classic urban debate: Michael or Prince?
Long before he became a walking punchline, Michael Jackson was pop music in The Greatest Decade Evar!!! Hell, you could argue that Michael Jackson was The 80′s. The bulk of his career success (the best selling album evar, 13 Grammies, 13 #1′s, Motown 25, Captain EO) happened during this decade. Ditto for Prince, whose funk-infused Pop/R&B/Soul music dominated the airwaves as well. In the pre-BET days, these guys were the only two artists of color whose videos consistently ran on MTV. I remember waiting through hours and hours of Quiet Riot and Twisted Sister videos, just to watch “Let’s Go Crazy” or “Thriller”[1].
Michael and Prince were the 80′s, but most people tended to like one more than the other, thus the long ranging debate.
Michael fans seemed to love the dances, the relative[2] down-to-Earth demeanor, the family-friendly songs. Prince fans were generally a bit darker and moodier in personality, and of course Prince sang about “doin’ it” a lot, so he was hardly PG-13. I know that sounds prudish in a day when “Bust It Baby” gets played in Color Me Mine on Father’s Day, but hey, times have changed.
I liked Michael more, but I liked girls who liked Prince for obvious reasons.
Two decades later, the career and life arcs of the two couldn’t have changed more dramatically.
Michael is considered a reclusive circus freak to most. There’s the white babies, and the white baby mamas[3], and the pedophilia allegations, and the vitiligo, and the bad interviews, and the financial ruins, and that bizarre “Jews are the Devil” thing, and the ruined family name, and… I keep going on for days.
Conversely, Prince is now somewhat considered the less screwed-up and better socially adjusted of the two. He’s a Jehovah’s witness. He won independence from his record label. He still tours and makes lots of money doing so. He was a pioneer in using the internet to sell music. He was actually married for awhile, presumably to a real life woman. He might could drive a minivan and read AB.com for all I know.
He seems, dare I say… normal, or at least normal when compared to the walking train wreck that is Michael Jackson circa 2008.
While I’m a Michael fan, I’ve never gotten to see him in concert. I remember when the Victory Tour hit the US in the mid 80′s at the height of Thriller’s popularity. I wanted to go, badly, but being a preteen, I couldn’t exactly hit up StubHub and drive myself. Not with the tickets being $125 (yikes!) and whatnot. Plus, cool stuff never came to the Carolinas. Michael and Co. only came as close as Landover, MD. My uncle and aunt did go, and regaled us with tales of the concert for months afterward. And I hated them for months afterward.
We’re cool now of course, but I still wanted to see MJ. It’s just one of those items on my “things I wanna do before I call it a life” bucket list, right up there with playing in an actual NBA game, and learning how to make my own etouffee. Quirky, sure.
Looks like I just might still get my chance.
Michael Jackson may relaunch his career as a Las Vegas act, thanks to the private equity group that recently bought the loan on his Neverland Ranch in California to help the pop star avert foreclosure.The investment firm Colony Capital is discussing with Jackson various repayment options for the $23 million debt, including a possible long-term engagement as the resident performer of a Vegas casino or nightclub, a source familiar with the talks said on Friday.
The source emphasized that no deal was in place and that a gig for Jackson in Las Vegas, a city of second chances for many faded superstars, was merely one idea under consideration as Colony Capital explores loan repayment scenarios with him.
Bringing Jackson to Sin City as a performer would mark the biggest step the 49-year-old performer has taken toward a comeback since a child molestation trial left his career, his reputation and financial status in tatters three years ago.
Only time will tell just how much Michael has left in the tank. Will he still have all the electricity of the “I’m Bad”-era MJ, or will his show be lazy and sad like some lousy Tropicana lounge act? We shall see.
I’m sure you guys will roundly criticize me for publicly stating that I’d fly halfway across the country and pay good money to see a desperate man sing for food, when I just bashed Robert Sylvester Kelly for essentially getting away with the same thing Jackson was once accused of recently. And you’d be right.
I’m just hypocritical like that.
I guess I’ll have to deal with those issues when the tickets go on sale. Cause I will be headed to Vegas.
Question: Michael or Prince? And assuming you’re a Michael fan, would you pay to see him in concert in Vegas? Do you see supporting Michael’s get-outta-debt concert series as financially enabling a pedophile or is there no such concern? If you’re a Prince fan, have you seen him in concert?
Michael Jackson in talks on possible Las Vegas act [Reuters]
[1] I’ll admit, I was prolly 21-22 years old before I could watch this whole video without being scared sh*tless. I can watch it now and just laugh, but Thriller had a young AB shook.
[2] Note the word “relative”. Yeah, Mike was weird, but admit it. Prince was “out there” by comparison.
[3] Come on, Mike. You know them ain’t your kids. Ain’t that much vitiligo in the world.
