the new averagebro blog

Cause They Black: Are Identity Politricks Really Such A Bad Thing?!?
September 19, 2008, 4:03 am
Filed under: PoliTricks as Usual, That Sh*t Is Racist, White Men Gone Wild

Last winter, when the Clinton/Obama battle was nearing it’s crux, the MSM was transfixed on the whole “Race vs Gender” issue. At it’s core, this artificial argument seemed to insinuate that black women were being forced to choose between their skin color and their uterus when it came to choosing which candidate they’d back. As if those were the only criteria a person would consider.

The flipside of this argument, especially after Obama started to gain traction in the black community. The media likes to note that this happened after South Carolina, but reality is Nevada, which Obama lost, was the first indication that he’d have more success than expected with black voters. When he pulled 75% of the black votes there, the chatters went into full gear, openly groveling about whether or not black folks were voting for Obama just “cause he black“.

I don’t personally vote for people just because they’re black. But then again, I’d like to consider myself a somewhat enlightened voter. I didn’t vote for Sharpton in 04′, I voted for Edwards. I’ve voted against black politicians (and Democrats) locally when I didn’t feel they were sufficiently equipped for the job. But I’m understanding enough to know that not everyone cares about the issues, and that not everyone cares enough to look past skin color when choosing their candidates.

To each his own. If you wanna vote for someone just “cause they black“, you get what you deserve in the end. And more times than not, you get a Kwame Kilpatrick, not a Deval Patrick. It is what it is.

Of course, the media keeps harping on this “cause they black” angle, and Fox News especially loves to pull poor folks (black and white) off the street and ask them what they know about Obama’s policies, usually with comedic results.

I suppose these folks have it coming, even though they’re certainly entitled to their opinions because hey, voting is a quintessentially selfish act. A socially acceptable selfish act, but still selfish. You vote for whom you want, and don’t have to justify your rationale to anyone.

That said, I’m wondering why the same bastions of voter rights that embarrassed Obama supporters for following Barry “cause he black” aren’t similarly slamming the legions of white women who are suddenly getting behind Tina Fey Sarah Palin “cause she got a vagina“.

No, seriously, think about it. For many white women, especially lifelong Democrats, Palin’s stances on issues are diametrically opposed to the views their party of choice advocates. Completely opposed.

But I’ve still yet to see this equally stupid BS called out for what it is.

And while we’re at it, how about the legions of folks who vote for white men (Dems and Republicans) year in and year out “cause they white“? How about them?

It seems like the only time it’s socially unacceptable to play identity politricks is “when they black“. Interesting to say the least.

On the other hand, there’s some black votes Obama could prolly do without.[1]

Question: Do you think identity politics are harmful? Do you vote for a person solely because you can personally relate to them on some level, be it race, gender, or age?

[1] All jokes aside, I know this was little more than a promotional event for his album, but props to Jeezy for registering voters.


Caption This Photo.
September 18, 2008, 9:00 pm
Filed under: Keep It In Your Pants, Web Junk

WorkPlace 101: The Office Romance.
September 18, 2008, 4:30 am
Filed under: Workplace 101

My quest to visit all 48 contiguous states continues this week, as I find myself far from home in a lonely hotel room down by the river. I’m here in The First State, the home of Joe Biden and Joe Flacco, the blink-and-you-missed-it I-95 rest stop otherwise known as Delaware.

Truth be known, I actually lived here in Delaware briefly in the mid-90’s when I interned at a large financial institution to remain undisclosed. I liked it here, although the state’s biggest advantages are it’s lack of sales taxes and proximity to major East Coast cities like NYC, Philly, DC, and B’More. Delaware itself? Meh.

Still, my brief summer here taught me a lesson I would carry with me for the rest of my professional life: Do not evar, evar, evar, under any set of bizarre circumstances, evar date a co-worker!!!

I’m married, and long since off the market, so I’ll spare ya’ll all the drama. Besides, my wife reads this site from time to time, and I don’t wanna have that convo once I get back to DC. But let’s just say I learned my lesson abundantly.

Forgive my total and complete lack of context, but I’d like to hear your opinions on this issue.

Question: Is it okay to date a coworker? Do you have any particularly bad experiences you’d like to share with the rest of AverageNation™?

Could She Be President? Jesus Help Us…
September 17, 2008, 11:01 pm
Filed under: Go Sit Down, Judge Joe Brown Says : "DO BETTER.", PoliTricks as Usual

…if Cotton Hill McCain meets an untimely demise and Tina Fey Sarah Palin somehow becomes leader of the free world. Cause if it goes down like that, we are soooo screwed.

I’m sitting in my hotel watching live coverage of a townhall meeting in Grand Rapids, MI on Fox News.[1] This woman must have Cheez Whiz for brains. Someone in the audience asked her a question about the energy crisis, offshore drilling and oil production, which is allegedly her area of expertise.

She proceeded to recite the GOP Talking Points 101 Flashcards she’s been cramming to memorize for weeks, and midway through her explanation, she clearly drew a blank. She then proceeded to “freestyle” her answer, which sounded something like this.

You could literally see John McCain thinking “awww sh*t! I knew I shoulda picked Romney” as he rushed in to grab the mic , cut her off, and completed the thought she so terribly fumbled.

Palin, looking visibly flustered, simply took a few steps back and assumed the usual position.[2] I actually did feel momentarily sad for the woman.

[Editor’s Update: I also happened to catch her circle jerk interview with Sean Hannity. He tossed softballs and kept staring at her legs the entire time. Very creepy.]


In a perfect world, Sarah Palin’s only future relevance would be on the back of a Trivial Pursuit card, not one melanoma away from The Number One Spot. We’ve heard a lot about “empty suits”. Can we all agree to just refer to Palin as an “empty skirt”, or is that just me being incredibly sexist as usual?

Question: Did you see the Palin/McCain townhall I’ve speaking of? Did it frighten you as much as it did me?

[1] I guess I should get a Twitter account for short messages like this. Do any of you Twitter? Could you dumb-down and explain it to me?

[2] And by “usual position”, I mean standing behind McCain, to his right side, looking smarmy and overdressed.

Further Proof That Barry Took Rebb’n Al’s Soundbyte Seminar.
September 17, 2008, 11:01 pm
Filed under: Barry 4 Prez, Judge Joe Brown Says : "WELL DONE", Web Junk

Months ago, after Barry locked up the Democratic nomination, I gave him some unsolicited advice to sharpen up his game for the Fall election season. Among my many nuggets of wisdom was the suggestion that Barry tighten up his rhetoric by attending one of Rebb’n Al Sharpton’s patented weekend Soundbyte Seminars™.

Seriously, for all the inspirational quality of his major speeches, on the stump, Barry is plain vanilla more times than not. With the polls tightening, and folks beginning to finally focus on the issues, one way to guarantee that your message resonates on the streets (aka: the 6 o’clock news) is to come up with snappy retorts that will get you continuous 15 second loops.

Sharpton’s dismal 04′ campaign never amounted to much in terms of votes, but at least the guy was memorable. You may not personally like him.[1] You can call him lots of things: an opportunist, a rabble rouser, a huckster, a shakedown artist. But you can’t call him late for dinner dull.

So, Barry finally paid the $599 late registration fee, bought Al an extra large order of rib tips, and picked his brain sometime quietly in late August. I’d call it money well spent, because he’s clearly putting the lessons to work.

Not bad. Snappy and authentic, but not too sarcastic. I’m sure McCain and Co. will start crying about ageism or some such nonsense. I already see the ad being edited in Pinnacle Studio now.


Question: Do you think Obama’s investment in Rebb’n Al’s Soundbyte Seminar[2] is paying dividends?

[1] And just in case you’re wondering, I like the guy. Pause.

[2] Not a real thing. That’s satire. Don’t go startin’ no rumors.

I’m Officially Done With Being A DC Sports Fan.
September 17, 2008, 8:01 pm
Filed under: NBA = Nuthin' But Africans

[Editor’s Note: This is a sports post. If that ain’t your thing, keep it movin’.]

There’s breaks, bad luck, and then there’s the eternal curse that seemingly hangs over all DC sports teams.

The Redskins have a ballerina playing defensive end, a novice head coach who doesn’t even know the team colors, a primadonna running back who gets into shouting matches with local sportstalk hosts, and a fratboy tight end who inadvertently posts a nude picture of his junk on his personal blog. Don’t be deluded by that fluke win over the Saints. This team is headed to 3-13 with a bullet. Sorry Skins fans.

The Nationals couldn’t beat most Single-A teams.

I don’t even care enough about the Mystics or DC United to come up with a pithy remark.

The only DC team I’ve bothered getting behind in my dozen or so years living in The Urreah is the hapless Wizards. They’re the rare team that’s more exciting off the court than on. There’s the all-star small forward who flashes gang signs during pregame intros. The immature power forward who can’t stay out the club long enough to work on his post moves, and catches solicitation charges when he does. Two underachieving centers who routinely fistfight each other in practice, but can’t battle for an offensive board when the games matter. But perhaps the biggest personality on this team full of outsized egos is none other than point guard Gilbert Arenas.

I’ll admit, I was once an Arenas fan. He’s the biggest star to hit DC sports since Chris Webber’s brief stay here in the mid-90’s. He drops 30 a night with ease. He hits game winners. He can shoot the ball with amazing precision from two steps inside halfcourt. He is personable and has a very popular blog on He gives away his jersey to a lucky fan after every game. He puts butts in the seats. He’s flashy. He’s worth talking about, which is no small feat in Skins-obsessed DC. You can’t not watch him when is game is on. Witness his 60 point instant classic vs the Lakers.

But he’s also totally immature for a 26 year old. He couldn’t spell defense, let alone pretend to play it. He hogs the ball. He is prone to playing out erratic vendettas with his coaches while on the court. He is flighty and temperamental. He gets too caught up on stats. And perhaps worst of all, he’s now had two serious knee surgeries in the past 2 years, despite the fact that the team gave him the keys to the franchise in the form of a $111M contract this summer. Better or worse, my team has hitched its wagon on the hopes that he’ll magically grow up and get us past the first round of the playoffs again.

So what does this numbnut go out and do? He waits the entire summer before deciding to get a third knee operation, effectively screwing every Wizards fan for yet another season.

Gilbert Arenas had a third operation on his bothersome left knee Wednesday morning, once again throwing into doubt his status for an upcoming Washington Wizards season.

Arenas had a “moderate amount of debris” removed from the knee after experiencing swelling and discomfort during his rehabilitation. The Wizards offered no timetable for his return — beyond the fact that he obviously won’t be ready for the start of training camp next week — but Arenas told The Washington Post that he plans to be back on the court in early December, which would rule him out for the first month of the season.

The surgery is the third on the knee in 17 months for Arenas, who missed 69 regular-season games last season and had to shut himself down in the playoffs. It also raises more doubt about the wisdom of the Wizards’ decision to give him a six-year, $111 million contract in July.

When a team, against its best judgement, gives you a $111M contract after you’ve essentially missed the last two seasons, the least you can do to return the favor is properly rehab your injury so you can earn your money. This nimrod waits until the eve of training camp, and despite what he says, rumor has it he will likely miss most of the season, and his knee could be permanently damaged a la Grant Hill.

Thanks a lot, Gilbert.

Question: Is DC the Worst Sports City in the nation or is there actually someplace more pathetic?

Arenas has 3rd knee operation, will miss a month [AP]

Redskins TE Cooley apologizes for revealing photo [AP]

Clinton Portis and Brian Mitchell Radio Interview Goes Entertainingly Off The Rails [DeadSpin] Guest Post: This is Your Nation on White Privilege.

[Editor’s Note: I don’t usually like using other folks posts without getting pre-approval, but this was too good to not use as a guest post. Tim Wise is a white guy whom the MSM hates because he tells it like it is, especially as pertains to white privilege in America. I’ve constantly harped on the outlandish double standards seen throughout this year’s campaign, but Wise breaks it down to the very last compound. Digest and discuss, you know where.]

For those who still can’t grasp the concept of white privilege, or who are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps this list will help.

White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because “every family has challenges,” even as black and Latino families with similar “challenges” are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.

White privilege is when you can call yourself a “fuckin’ redneck,” like Bristol Palin’s boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone messes with you, you’ll “kick their fuckin’ ass,” and talk about how you like to “shoot shit” for fun, and still be viewed as a responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather than a thug.

White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of, then returned to after making up some coursework at a community college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first place because of affirmative action.

White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people don’t all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S. Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means you’re “untested.”

White privilege is being able to say that you support the words “under God” in the pledge of allegiance because “if it was good enough for the founding fathers, it’s good enough for me,” and not be immediately disqualified from holding office–since, after all, the pledge was written in the late 1800s and the “under God” part wasn’t added until the 1950s–while believing that reading accused criminals and terrorists their rights (because, ya know, the Constitution, which you used to teach at a prestigious law school requires it), is a dangerous and silly idea only supported by mushy liberals.

White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make people immediately scared of you.

White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto was “Alaska first,” and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family, while if you’re black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school, people immediately think she’s being disrespectful.

White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and the work they do–like, among other things, fight for the right of women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end to child labor–and people think you’re being pithy and tough, but if you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in college–you’re somehow being mean, or even sexist.

White privilege is being able to convince white women who don’t even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made them give your party a “second look.”

White privilege is being able to fire people who didn’t support your political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in Chicago means you must be corrupt.

White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God’s punishment on Jews for rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you’re just a good church-going Christian, but if you’re black and friends with a black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on black people, you’re an extremist who probably hates America.

White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you such a “trick question,” while being black and merely refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O’Reilly means you’re dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.

[Editor’s Note: Black privilege is being able to say “the N-word” with reckless abandon, telling “white folks are sooo…” jokes on Comic View, and…. and…. uhmmm, that’s about it.]

White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it a “light” burden.

And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W. Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing, people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white voters aren’t sure about that whole “change” thing. Ya know, it’s just too vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which is very concrete and certain…

White privilege is, in short, the problem.

Question: Do you agree with Tim Wise that the double standards confronting Obama are prime examples of white privilege?

More from Tim Wise []

* Props to DP for sending this along.